From diont@cs.mun.caSat Nov 18 21:31:07 2000 Date: Sat, 10 Jun 2000 14:09:07 -0230 From: Kobanal Bcc: owsf2000@eudoramail.com Newsgroups: alt.fan.sailor-moon Subject: [OW!] MinaKane is Born. This post involves everyone in Loose Lips, Aureal, Sprite, TD, Skuld, Kane (body and spirit), Harold (You've been MIA for so long... ^^;), Kobanal, and possibly someone else I'm forgetting to add. Previously: It ain't about what happened man, it's about what's ABOUT to happen! Kane Magus wrote: > "DON'T MOVE, DAMMIT! I'll cut him! I will!" Kane took a couple > more steps back. "In addition to a clear passage out of here, I also > demand some peanuts!" > > Dionysus surveyed the situation and surreptitiously made his way over > to the controls of the Ditz Chamber. > > "Why are we standing around like this?" said Kobanal, shrugging. "I'm > going to kick his ass and be done with it." > > "FOR THE LAST TIME, ONE MORE MOVE AND I'LL KILL HIM!! > Now, in addition to peanuts, I also want a bottle of Yoohoo. You will > give me Yoohoo now!" He took a few more steps back. > > Dionysus watched closedly, his hand hovering over the activation switch > for the Ditz Chamber. Just a few more steps backward and both Kane > and the body would be inside. Dionysus' hand inched closer and closer to the button that would activate the padded mallet in the floor to spring out and knock Kane and his body into the waiting Ditzification Chamber. The closer he got to pressing the button, however, the more certain nasty thoughts kept bugging his conscience about if what he was about to do was the Right Thing to Do. "I MEAN IT, I'LL CUT HIM!" Kane continued his threats, "Where's my Yoohoo! I also want a roll of dimes so I can call home. GIVE ME A ROLL OF DIMES NOW!!" After all, he was about to forcefully switch the alliegence of an enemy otaku from that of their senshi, to that of his own. Such an act would definitely border on the realm of Omnipotence, which was not only Baaaaaaad, but also downright rude! Who was he, the leader of the Minakochanians, to tell someone that they -had- to agree with his beliefs... Shouldn't the right to choose also be given to endymionsam- He pressed the button. "OOF!" Kane's spirit oof-ed as a big padded mallet propelled itself from the floor directly in front of him, slamming him in the chest, and causing both him and his body to fly into the waiting "evil" machine. "NO!" I Abibde shouted as Brutus slammed the door shut and Skuld cranked up the power. "Filthy Minpire, this can not be forgiven! Amichanians, ATTACK!" "Uh..." Aureal pikued, unsure what to do, even as Sprite blinked in a confused manner... he wasn't allied with either side. < It's -still- snowing... in JUNE! - Scene Switch > Meanwhile, inside the Contraption from !Hell, Kane was frantically hunting for a way to escape. "Don't just SIT there!" He lectured his slumped, mindless body, "Help me think up a way out of here!! Oh wait a sec..." Golden rays of energy intensified around the body and spirit of Kane Magus as he picked up his body and began using the head as a battering ram, trying to force the door open. Unfortunately, the door was locked into place and about half a foot thick of pure titanium. The result was just a goofy grin on the body and a disheartened spirit that was still trapped inside the "evil" machine. "We'll never get out of here." Kane sighed sadly, "Now I'll never be able to continue shouting praise to the glorious Minako." Kane covered his mouth in shock. "Damn! It's starting to take effect!! I've got to get out of here!!!" "Don't worry, Kanee old boy." he heard his voice say, "Worshipping a ditz won't be all -that- bad." "How dare you say such a thing!" the spirit shouted back, then pikued when he realized he was either talking to himself or... he looked back to his body in shock. Staring back at him, with golden eyes, was his body. The body began to get to its feet even as Kane began to lose all hope. Now he'd never get his yoohoo. Slumping against the wall in defeat, Kane's spirit promptly fell through it to safety. Kobanal was in the process of strangling the mad dwarf when Kane's Sometimes-Tangible-Spirit emerged from the Ditz Chamber and knocked the two fighting otaku over. "YOU!" The 6'3" lupine growled then gave the dwarf a final slug across the jaw, "No more running, you translucent cueball." "IF YOU STOP CHASING ME, I WILL!!!" Kane shouted back, then bolted out of the room, the lupine in hot pursuit. ZZZZZZIIIII @===>>=========== NNNNNNGGGGG!!!!! A golden rose flashed in front of DJ Mercury, causing the amichanian to jump away from Skuld and the Ditz Chamber console. "We've gone through too much to let you ruin our master plan, amichanian." "We came here to save Kane and his body, and that's precisely what we're going to do!" DJM replied, "After all, the Minpire doesn't stand a chance against a faction as united as those who follow the blue haired goddess!" "I don't care what happens to Kane." TD snickered, "What we were after was his body, so we could test our latest Ditzification Technology on something. As you can see, it's working PERFECTLY! In moments, the most powerful Minpirian Warrior shall be born and we will begin exterminating ALL RESISTANCE FROM THE OTAKU WARS!!! NYAHAHAHAHAHAHA-" *KA-KA-KA-BOOOOOM* "Get the number of that freight train..." Senshi Gemini replied from the floor, her eyes still swirling. Everyone in the room had been thrown to the floor due to the explosion of the Ditz Chamber. Nothing remained but a blackened heap of metal. "Guess it needs some adjustments." Brutus sweatdropped. "DAMNIT!" TD shouted, "We were so close!" "We still might be." Skuld replied from the main terminal of the Central Core even as the Amichanians continued picking themselves off the floor. "I'm reading a new unidentified being on the Arty-P SpaceStation. From the lack of hair, it could be Kane's body." "Where to?" Brutus asked. "Eight decks down, in a large room connected to corridor S." "Let's g-" TD began, but sweatdropped when he noticed the Amichanians had already ran out into the halls. < Omnipotence is Baaaaad. Except when you have permission. :) -Scene Switch > Eight decks down, in a large room connected to corridor S, a huge familiar setting had formed due to the restructuring of the Artemis-P SpaceStation. There were rows upon rows of empty seats facing the center of the room. In the very center, there was... a WRESTLING RING! That's right, the OWF now had a place to hold their shows at the station. There was a huge Fightin-Tron at the top of the Ramp leading to the backstage area. From one of the aisles, however, Kane's spirit bolted through the door leading into the stadium area, screaming like a girl. He immediately ran for the only place he could think of that would be safe... the place in front of him. A second later, the door crashed open again and Kobanal bolted into the stadium area, following the screaming Kane. "I TOLD YOU TO STOP RUNNING AWAY WUSS!!" "OVER MY DEAD BODY!" Kane shot back. "IT ISN'T HERE!" "SUE ME!" Kane yelped as he dove into the large orange wrestling ring that had a golden Minpire Symbol printed in the center. Kobanal grinned evilly and pulled out his thundersword, "Nowhere to run now, old man." "By minak-Mamoru, I won't fall easily to a DOG!" Kane spat, and pulled out his scythe. The two otaku charged each other, and the sound of sword and scythe clashing rang out over the empty stadium just as the Amichanians arrived to save Kane Magus from the horrid lupine creature. "Don't worry Kane!" Sara shouted from the rear of the Pack, "We're here to SAVE you!" "What?!" Kane pikued, "You mean you're not here to wring my n-AAGHHH!" Kobanal continued to wring Kane's neck thanks to the opening he obtained from the amichanian distraction. Just to add insult to injury, he muttered "Mamoru sucks big hairy goat balls." "Ma...Mamoru...never...touched... your mother!" Kane choked back and stepped on his opponent's foot. The Makochanian's eye twitched at the burn, "NOW... it's personal..." "URK!!" Kane continued to croak between gasps. "KANE! REMEMBER THAT YOU'RE JUST A SPIRIT!" I Abibde shouted as the brigade of Bookworm Lovers ran to the ring. Kane pikued, sweatdropped, then passed through Kobanal's choke hold as if the lupine was insubstantial. In actuality, of course, the endymionsamian was the insubstantial one, although we have no substantial evidence to prove this at the moment. "Woo, it works!" Kane Magus' spirit jumped for joy, watching his allies begin jumping into the ring to surround the dog. "Um..." Kobanal sweatdropped as he gripped his sword a little bit tighter. "The sides are tipped in our favor once again." Senshi Gemini snickered, "Where are your allies now?" *POOF* "Right here actually." TD snickered from beside the Makochanian. On the other side of the dog, was Brutus and Star Flower. "We couldn't let Kobanal here have ALL the fun now could we?" Everyone pulled out their weapons and were about to charge when the Fightin-Tron suddenly flared to life with two words, one appearring before the other. "FAN" "SERVICE". "One Self, Is this on?!"[1] a masculine NO voice blared over the speaker system, causing an ominous, evilish theme song to begin. The lights suddenly dimmed as yellow, orange, and red strobe lights began flashing alternately. The Fightin-Tron roared to life with pictures of "Triple H", "Insane", and A posing Half-Clad Harold. As everyone grimaced from the pictures on the Fightin-Tron, or otherwise just sweatdropped, Harold walked out from backstage and stalked down to the ring. All the viewers watching this unfold on TV saw words form on the bottom of their screen showing who the newcomer was. -------------------------------------- Fanservice Champion OWF Horribly Hentai Harold "Triple H" --------------------------------------------------- The music died and the lights returned to normal after Harold entered the ring. "Sorry I'm late guys! Just got back on the station and found out about the little problem we have here." "Better late than never." TD replied, "Where's Frank and Rooks? I thought they were with you." "They were, but we split up to increase the chances of SOMEONE finding you. This place is a lot larger than it use to be." "I'll explain it later, right now, we have some asskicking to do." TD grinned nefariously. Everyone (continued) pulling out their weapons and were about to charge (yet again) when the Fightin-Tron suddenly flared to life. (once more) "Oh for crying out loud.... we'll never get this fight started." DJ Mercury sweatdropped. "He's heeere..." Echoed the voices of the three young girls in white on the big ass viewing screen. Immediately after that, some corny music of some Real American Hero began playing. Naturally, this caught the attention of everyone in the ring, and kept it as an individual walked out from backstage in plain orange pants and a white Minako-Victory T-shirt. Around his neck was a golden medallion, in his hand was a microphone, his eyes were golden... and he was bald. "It has come to the Attention of your Minpirian Hero, that we have a problem in our midst." the individual spoke over the Speaker system, "We have boring old Endymionsamaians that are REALLY out of their gord, and preppy Amichanian Losers who feel inept with their weak choice in patron senshi.. causing them to attack those better than themselves." He raised his hands at those in the ring who were about to complain, "I'm sorry! It's true! It's true!" "My body..." Kane gasped in horror... realizing this could have happened to him as well had he not escaped! "Now while I'm sure even Skuld could whip the pants off of the underachieving slime of society with one hand tied behind her back, a true Minpirian Hero can NOT turn his back on his fellow faction members, and so it is my pleasure to henshin and kick the asses of the little people because I can." "Henshin?" Kane pikued. O_o "Idol Star Power, MAKE... UP!" "AAAAAHHH!" Kane shrieked as he watched his body develop 'talent' and change into a typical Mood-Starlight-Fuku. "Not a starlight henshin!!!" TBC -- Dionysus Foot Notes: [1] We can't understand the first couple words. Sue us. :P