This post includes: Minpire: Harold, Tuxedo Dionysus, NC-Janitor, Artemesian Warrior, Korb, Skuld, Rooks, Raven, Brutus, Lina, Sailor Universe. (11) Darkmoonian: Prince Sapphire, Marvin, ChaosSapphire, Seedling, Dark Glen, Pitch, Esmerodian Warrior, and Cud Haggis. (8) Makochanian: Kobanal, Leloni Bunny, Ferchan. (3) Endymionsamaian: Kane, T-cat. (2) OSDF: Nyakun, RockmanX, Nic-chan, Mr. K, Sailor Polaris, SuperSteve. (6) Unaligned: Bob, KABOOOOOM-ohki, and a surprise Special Guest. (3) Previously on Otaku Wars! OAV, Discontinuous Continuity: * Rooks, Raven, and AW go undercover to infiltrate the Darkmoonians. * RockmanX leads his party around in circles, until they meet up with Cud Haggis. * Nyakun's group is trapped into a fight with a group of Darkmoonians lead by ChaosSapphire! * SuperSteve's group gets captured! Well, we don't know what happened with SuperSteve himself actually... * RockmanX's group gets captured! * People try turning the OAV into a bloody musical. * NC-Janitor drowns himself. * Prince Sapphire and Dark Glen play OW!SF2000 before anyone else, allowing the authors to reveal many details of what the game will eventually be like withOUT giving away a single definite fact. EVIL! ;) * The Esmerodian Warrior gets his ass kicked by the AW. The AW is powered up into... Frank!! * Evil Dionysus appears after the fight with EW. Thus Continues... Chapter VIII: "Discontinuous Continuity" Featuring: The Death Of Rooks! (We mean it this time.) Where the hell were we? Hold on a sec ok? (Author rereads the last two chapters..... ...... .....) Oh ok. All right then, let's go. We begin this chapter at the Suspiciously Evil-Looking Cavern, wherein an earth-shattering battle has been raging for the last half hour or so. At the far end of the corridor, Mr. K lay horribly beaten on the ground. Kane and Ferchan were battling with ChaosSapphire nearby, and NC-Janitor was trying his best to fend off the vicious Marvin The Clinically Depressed Robot. Meanwhile, we focus our current attention on Korb and Nyakun, who were fighting an equally grueling battle against the plant clone Seedling and the relative newcomer, Pitch. "What's the matter, honey?" Pitch taunted the Minakochanian, "Can't you hit me?" Korb gritted his teeth in frustration. He tried virtually every weapon at his disposal, from rockets to plasma bursts, and nothing seemed to be affecting her in any way. "HA!" The pudding-like Darkmoonian shouted, and sent a barrage of black tentacles flying all around Korb. Korb tried desperately to dodge the deadly barrage, however, he was not fast enough and one tentacle grazed his firing arm. Pain shot through the Minpirian like a bolt. "AAAAGH!!!" he screamed as he clutched his arm, "Foul temptress! Your tentacles burn like acid!" Pitch shrugged nonchalantly, "Well, duh, darling," she said pleasantly, "What did you think made my barbs so dangerous?" Korb raised his arm, blocking Pitch's vision of his gun. When he was certain Pitch wasn't looking, he pushed a small red button underneath the trigger. A humming noise began to come from the gun. "So darling, how would you like your death," Pitch conversed pleasantly, as if she were a waitress at a fancy resaurant, "Slow and painful, or," the flirtatious Newbie chuckled evilly, "Quick and dirty?" Korb got to his feet, and with a look of surprise from Pitch, jumped into her liquidy arms. "Well, if it worked for AW," Korb shrugged. Looking Pitch straight in the eyes, he smiled and said, "Sayonara, Sugah!" Korb then planted a loud kiss on Pitch's lips, completely taking her off guard for the few seconds Korb's weapon needed before both Otaku were blown apart by the violent explosion. Pitch was splattered all over the cavern. Korb respawned a few seconds later. The Minakochanian snickered. "Korb!" Nyakun yelled in annoyance, "Man! You got Pitch all over me you.... you....Minakochanian gutter worm!" Nyakun wiped a portion of the black ooze from his face, and turned his attention back to his foe. The sight was gruesome. Seedling had been blown back against a wall where the clone had been impaled on a large stalagmite. To make matters worse, the plasma rifle he had been about to use against Nyakun had somehow been lodged in his mouth. The plant clone's trigger finger was twitching spasmodically, and Seedling was trying desperately not to pull the hair trigger. ChaosSapphire slammed his fist into Kane's cheek causing the Endymionsamaian Faction Leader to spiral to the ground. Turning around to see what the explosion was about, he sweatdropped and sighed, "Pitch, pull yourself together. This isn't the time to be lying about!" He immediately raised the ChaosBlade to parry Nyakun's Kouriken. "Damn insects!" He growled and immediately slashed back at the OSDF, firing off a blast of nega-energy from his off-hand. Dodging to the side then pushed CS's defense high, Nyakun snickered, "The OSDF has been saying that about you Darkmoonians for YEARS!" He shot a blast of aquamarine nega-like energy back at the clone. Kane joined the battle with a swipe of his blue-glowing-but- otherwise-nonmagical-scythe. Dodging quickly, ChaosSapphire began moving twice as fast as he parried both Kane and Nyakun's weapons with his own. "Do you think double-teaming me will help your worthless hides?! I AM (a clone of) PRINCE SAPPHIRE!! IMBUED WITH THE POWER OF CHAOS!!! I WILL NOT FALL TO THE LIK-" *CLUNK!* ChaosSapphire's eyes began swirling in circles in the typical anime fashion as he crumpled to the ground, Ferchan standing behind him wielding a large piece of lumber. Placing her foot on the fallen Darkmoonian's chest, she gave the victory sign as she exclaimed "VIC-TOR-Y!!" Nyakun and Kane facefaulted. "Two down, two to go!" Ferchan cheered, "Finally!" *BANG* "Uh..." Kane sweatdropped, pointing over to Seedling's swaying yet headless form, "Three down." "Zo Marvin." NC-Janitor exclaimed as he licked the tip of his pencil, "Tell me again about ya mather." Lying in the Totally Out Of Place Couch, Marvin continued to slam his fist into the pillow covering his head. "Why me..." He kept saying over and over. "Uh.. NC-Janitor..." Kane sweatdropped, "We're ready to leave." "Righto!" The Non Continuous one replied, then turned the couch into a coffin and locked it shut. "Let's go!" < Sailor Ice Blade and Farix arguing over Usagichanian Leadership. -Scene Switch > Deep in the Darkmoonian's Dungeon, a jailer rolled his eyes with a snort of annoyance. Turning to shout in the little window of one cell he shouted, "Are you guys making noise in there?!" "No..." the voice of Harold replied uneasily. "Are you building an Interocitor?" "No!" Skuld replied quickly. "Alright then..." the guard replied, content. Inside the cell, Skuld had just finished the final touches to her new interocitor. "It's finished at last!" "So... how do we turn it on?" Sailor Universe asked. "..." Skuld answered, "Isn't there an outlet in here?" "No..." Sailor Polaris sweatdropped, "Why would there be one inside a jail cell?" "Darn..." she growled, then looked at the electricity sparking around Kobanal's sword. "Hmms..." "What..." Kobanal asked suspiciously. Skuld walked over to the lupine, craning her head to look him in the eyes. "Hi! Couldn't help but notice your sword there," she said, looking at the huge weapon. *SSHHHHIIINK!* "Good idea," Kobanal said, a smile forming on his face, and walked over to the interocitor. "Ok," the dog-man said, looking the machine over, "Where should I put this?" Skuld looked over her invention carefully, then spotted just the right place, near the power converter. The 12-year-old pointed to the section of the interocitor and Kobanal slowly pushed the sword into the wiring. "Umm, Skuld," Sailor Universe muttered, "Are you sure this thing is safe? I mean, what's gonna happen if Kobanal accidentally overloads it?" "Well, then, it'd explode, now wouldn't it." Skuld said, annoyed. "Wait a minute!" Kobanal sweatdropped, "You didn't say anything about this doohicky exploding!" Skuld giggled at the lupine's stupidity, "Oh, come on! My inventions hardly ever explode sometimes!" "Alright everybody," RockmanX said, assuming control again, "Get as far away from this thing as possible, there's no telling how strong the explosion is gonna be!" Skuld facefaulted. "Hey! This is gonna work! Even if it DOES explode, -which it will NOT!-, the only reason it'd blow up to begin with was because -you- were jinxing it!" "I'm suddenly feeling very nervous..." Kobanal said nervously, his ears lowered. "Don't be!" Leloni yelled from behind her upturned bed, "I'm sure this will work!" Plopping down on the floor, Leloni turned to look at KABOOOOOM-ohki. "They're dead." She whispered quietly and nodded. The cabbit cocked its head to one side. < el Pegaso & Ryu de la Sombra close-up Portrait. - Scene Switch > Frank's Devastating CD attack... bounced off Evil Dionysus' Armour. Raising his right eyebrow, ED tried to fathom what that was suppose to do to him. "Prince Sapphire has decreed you all die." "TD, snap out of it!" Rooks shouted. Snickering at the silly Minakochanian, ED summoned nega-energy into his body from the surrounding walls then jumped into the air to float menacingly. "The only things that are going to be snapping around here, will be the bones in your wretched bodies. Hyaah!" With that, Evil Dionysus shot a globe of cackling dark energy straight at the winged ditz-and-bookworm-lover. *twing* Frank jumped in the way and deflected the globe away, straight at Evil Dionysus. "Don't worry Rooks ol'boy, I got you covered!" ED's eye twitched. "You wanna play hardball huh?" *twing* The globe flew back at Frank with a flick of his darkmoon-powered wrist. *twing* Went the CD. *twing* Went the wrist. *twing* Went the CD. *twing* Went the wrist. *twing* Went the CD. *BOOM* The nega-energy surged through ED's body after trying to swat the globe away too early. He recoiled, disoriented for a few precious seconds, which is all Frank needed. "Frank, no!" Rooks shouted, tackling his ally and wrestling the bow and arrow away from him. "What the hell do you think this is? A game?!" "Sorry." Frank grinned weakly, "Kinda got carried away for a sec." "We're here to save TD, not kill him." Raven reminded him, "But I don't know how we'd be able to do that on our own.." "We need to subdue him first." Rooks replied back, then spread his wings and flew up to fight the brainwashed minakochanian. "Feeling heroic?" ED snarled as the two locked up high in the center of the room, "Or are you just THAT desparate to die?" "Huh?" Rooks pikued in surprise at the comment. After a few more minutes of struggling, ED finally slammed his fist into his opponent's stomach, knocking the wind out of him. The Ami&Minakochanian Faction Leader fell like a rock to the floor below. "Heh heh heh. So easy." ED cackled from above even as Frank and Raven rushed over to help their fallen friend, then charged up an intense nega-energic surge on his left hand. "Game over..." ED shot down towards the helpless Winged Man, his nega-charged hand clenched and leading the way. *KA KA KA BOOOOM!* Rooks rolled out of the way at the last second, and the force of the impact caused the floor to shatter, sending everyone to falling 20 meters to the cavern floor below. "AAAH!" Rooks screamed, grabbing at his right wing, "I think it's broken!" On the ground, everyone got to their feet wearily as ED floated down into the room. "Still moving?" the evil otaku pikued even as he landed, "Minpirians keep getting more and more dense each year. This is where you all DIE! Fall down!" He extended his arms as Frank shouted, "Hell no!" and caused black lightning to rain down on his opponents. "We have to do something!" Raven gritted through his teeth, the lightning pelting him against the ground. "Use your sword!" Rooks shouted, in a similar situation. "I can't reach it!" his brother replied, his sword pinned to the ground. "Let's see if -I- can do something then." NC-Janitor laughed maniacly as he stood up with a BigAss Hammer in his hands. "Time to bring the house down!" He slammed the hammer into the ground causing a massively tiny earthquake. The earthquake, in turn, caused the ground to split open from where the hammer struck all the way to where Evil Dionysus stood. ED pikued before he fell in. Rooks, however, was between the two and began to fall in himself. "My hands are slipping!" He cried, then fell in. "No!" Raven shouted as he practically fell in after and grabbed his rapidly descending brother by the hand and began to pull him up. "Raven!" Rooks exclaimed in relief, "I thought I was a goner for sure that time!" "Not in a million years bro." Raven grinned weakly, "We're destined to be a part of these Otaku Wars! for years to come!" "Heh heh heh." an evil chuckling came from below, then Evil Dionysus levitated out of the pit safely, "I think you mean 'Part of Otaku World for years to come.' you ditz-lover." Rooks and Raven gasped in alarm as ED strolled up behind Raven who was doing everything he could to keep his brother from falling down the Insanely Dark And Bottomless Pit. "I'd say it was fun..." ED began as he winded up to kick Raven over the side. "Dionysus! No!" Frank shouted as he tried to grab his brainwashed friend from behind, "You don't want to do this!" Rooks sighed a breath of relief at the save. He sweatdropped after ED knocked Frank to the ground, "Damn straight I do! I was TOLD to do this!" With that, he spun back around and gave a mighty BOOT to the two Minpirians. Their screams of terror followed them as they disappeared from view, NC-Janitor and Frank watching in horror from the edge. The screams of terror slowly faded to impatient yelling and finally to irritated cursing as they continued on and on and on and on down the Dark And Bottomless Pit. Frank turned to face ED, pulling out his CDs. NC-Janitor just continued to stare down the pit... mouth hanging open and eyes wide... "My fault..." he choked. < Baaaaad Janitor. BAAAAAAAAD Janitor! NC-Janitor grinning weakly. -Scene Switch > Back in the dungeon, the nameless darkmoonian jailor was still pacing back and forth along the corridor. A soft -=clink=- of metal drew his attention. It came from the cell where the Allied Otaku were being held. Peering inside, the guard said authoritatively, "Keep it down in there! I'm trying to calculate my taxes, and I can't do all that adding when you guys are making so much noise!" A high-pitched voice came back, "OH NO! It's overloading!!" "Over-what?" the stupid NO said before the door he was standing next to blew apart from a forceful explosion, crushing him against the far wall. "Yes!" Sailor Polaris exclaimed as she left the cell, "It worked! I -knew- it would work!" Bob followed closely behind, carrying KABOOOOOM-ohki on his shoulder, "Yeah, right. Skuld said that thing was supposed to fax a requisition form for an extra set of keys..." "Hey, don't complain!" Skuld retorted, still smoking from the blast, "I got us out, didn't I?" "Yeah, but now we're in it even deeper, " Harold whined, "Somebody had to have heard that explosion." Brutus and Leloni followed, carrying a swirly-eyed Kobanal by the arms and legs. "Yeah, so what do we do now, huh?" Brutus asked the assembled Otaku. "Well, we can't all go charging through the Dark Crystal," Nic-chan said, rubbing her chin thoughtfully, "We'd get trapped again. I think we should split up. Divide into several groups and take out the base's systems one by one." "There's still the matter of rescuing TD." Harold pointed out. "And there's still DG and Sapphire to deal with, too." Lina added. "Wow, this is gonna be a really tough battle, isn't it?" RMX commented softly. "This'll be the last battle...." Everyone turned to see Kobanal regaining consciousness. Reaching into his belt, he pulled out a handful of small beads. "Luckily, before the damn machine blew, I had Skuld replicate my recovery capsules. There's enough here for everybody. But only one each. We should take them before we continue." Sailor Universe looked closely at the little bead. It kinda looked like a small mint. *sound of many people chewing on mints* "Whoa!" SU exclaimed, "I feel like a million bucks! Are you sure these things are just recovery pills?" "I sure hope so...." Brutus commented. "Of course they are!" Kobanal sweatdropped, "Who do you think I am anyway, a dealer?" "Well all joking aside, we really should figure out who's going where." Lina stated, crossing her arms. "Some of us have been in the Dark Crystal before, so they should be the leaders of each group." Sailor Polaris nodded in agreement, "Yeah, good idea. Our first target should be the security systems. The security cameras, internal sensors, and booby traps should all be deactivated if we destroy their security grid." "All right, then. You'll lead that group, SP." Lina said, pointing in her general direction. "But who'll go there with you?" "Well, the security system is handled on the bridge itself." Sailor Polaris commented, "So RockmanX, Nic-chan, and Brutus should come with me." "I'll lead the second group!" Harold piped up quickly, waving his hand back and forth in the air. "I downloaded a map of this place the last time I attacked with TD and the Philosophers 5." Harold beamed. "Ok. Harold will take SU, Bob, and Skuld. Try to find their engineering section and take out their main power." Lina said. The short red-head continued, "The rest of us'll split up and wander the halls, wrecking whatever we find. -Anything-, so long as it provides a distraction for the other two teams." Lina asked the group if everyone knew what to do. A small hand rose behind the group. "Yeah, I'm a little confused," NC-Janitor said with a smile. "Ohhhh...." Lina growled. "How many times do I have to explain this? You are to wander the halls and destroy everything in sight!" "No," the NC one said, "I mean it, I'm -really- confused! I have no idea what I'm doing here!" Everyone blinked. "I knew I shouldn't have eaten those beans," he grinned, "They always make my NC Aura go nuts." And with a -=pphhhhhhhhhuttt!!=- and a puff of green smoke, he was gone. Kobanal slowly turned back to the group of Otaku, who were now going their separate ways, "I believe the word we're looking for is--- ANYwaaaay. Let's get going. The sooner we do this, the sooner this'll all be over and I can finally go home and sleep..." The Darkmoonians probably would've been alerted to the mob of Otaku running throughout their halls. However, the NO manning the security cameras had an epileptic shock and therefore couldn't report the transgretion. < I Abibdeluxe shaking his fist at the poster of Nightman behind him. -Scene Switch > Back in Sapphire's Secret Lab, a patrol of nameless darkmoonians had just finished dragging in the beaten Darkmoonian Generals. Prince Sapphire and Dark Glen were highly displeased with their underlings performance to say the least. "They SHOULD have been able to take out the enemy without ANY problems!" Prince Sapphire growled impatiently. "With their track records, I don't know how you can say that with a straight face." Dark Glen muttered, "They only seem to be good as cannon fodder these days." "And the Esmerodian Warrior even had a powerup for crying outloud!!" "Let's face it, half of the evilized otaku we've created have been more successful than these." DG stated, "We'd be better off just ev... hmmm...." An evil idea seeded itself into both Prince Sapphire's and Dark Glen's mind. "Evilize them!" they shouted together. < R.I.F.F Rooks & Raven... (Rest In Free Fall) ^_^ -Scene Switch > "Come on Dionysus!" Frank shouted as he was tossed up against a boulder, "Don't you remember when I first decided to start up my own Casino? I invited you along!" "..." Evil Dionysus replied silently and gave the Ami&Minakochanian a vicious backhand. "Or how about the Non-Continuity Party?!" He coughed, "In the first Elections Otaku World ever held, we came out as the Official Opposition when we were just newbies! We had only just joined the Otaku Wars! a few months earlier and we were already in charge of telling the president that he sucked!" "I don't know what the hell you're talking about." ED growled as he tossed Frank across the cavern. "I'm a shapeshifter created by the darkmoon, for the darkmoon. This crap you're getting on with never happened!" Frank had the fortunate luck of landing next to the still grieving NC-Janitor. "Hey, I know you're going through a traumatic moment right now..." he began, "But could you GIVE ME A HAND HERE!!" Looking up from the pit in a daze, NC-Janitor saw ED flying towards the two. A threat. Something trying to hurt and maim. Coming towards him, and the otaku holding up some CDs menacingly. "No..." NC-Janitor whispered, "No more..." He stood up defiantly, much to the fast-approaching ED's look of surprise. "NO MORE!!" the NC Being demanded, and suddenly he was holding the BIGGEST shoulder-mounted cannon anyone had ever seen. A tank of compressed gas was strapped to his back, and down in front of the cannon was the clip holding large menacing ammo. "EAT THIS!!!!" He shouted and pulled the trigger, launching banana cream pies at 60 miles per hour. "NANI?!" ED yelped as the pies struck him in the face, sending him spinning backwards head over heels. Hitting the far wall painfully, ED noticed the strange yellow glow now surrounding his body. "What... what's this?!" "The end result of Ditz Technology put to use in the kitchen." NC-Janitor growled, "Minakochanian Banana Pies of Ditz Conversion!!!" "Dionysus." Frank started again, noticing his chance, "Try to remember! You're being manipulated by the Darkmoonians!" The following flashback assaulted ED's mind: > "Minako save me!" cried out some NO who fell from above and kept going > through-no,wait! It wasn't a NO! It was that Janitor who hadn't been > cleaning up the hairballs! > > "Hey Bastard!" Yelled AW "Clean up these stinking hairballs! And only > Rei-chan can save you!" "Think harder baka..." NC-Janitor sweatdropped. ED's eyes seemed to be in turmoil, even as he raised his hands before him to create a globe of nega-energy to throw at the two oddballs. "Must... destroy... enemies..." He shot the globe. *twing* Went the CD. *twing* Went the wrist. NC-Janitor pocketed the globe. "Ok, let's not start THAT again!" ED blinked at what the NC-Janitor did to his powerful attack and suddenly the following familliar text trampled through his war-torn mind: > The Janitor promptly pocketed the lightbulbs above their > heads, "What's aaaaahhhhh? I agree that it'd be easier if we had a > ship but there's no.." ED's eyes went wide. "What was that? Familliar..." "That's it!" Frank shouted encouragement, "Think harder!" ED concentrated: > "They left me." The Janitor whispered, "They *left* me here to > go bashing the Darkmoonians on their own!!" "Not that one!" Frank sweatdropped, "Not that one!! Think harder about the good times!" ED thought REALLY hard this time: > "Now where is that Janitor? I better get the..." Sapphire started > to think when he sees a bunch of plush toys fighting on his table. > "GET OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sapphire yells "Activate wormhole > opening system and send them to the Io." he says. > In a flash of light the plush toys are transported to the Io. "Dude.. you weren't even there for that one." NC-Janitor sweatdropped. "No no! That's good!" Frank quickly followed up, "It shows someone's messing with your memory!" "Think harder!! Come on bro, you can do it!" ED thought even harder this time. "Think about the elections! Think about the casino!" Frank urged him: > "Well, OK, I'm gonna set up a casino instead. Become a mob boss. Want to > come?" asked the AW. "With our winnings, we could buy the election!!" > "We are The Non-Continuity Party," AW and NC-Jan said together > flashing brilliant, politician-like smiles to the cameras, "And in the > name of Non-Continuity.. not to be confused with Dis-Continuity.. We > will write the wrongs that ail you." The inverted crescent moon began to fade from Evil Dionysus' forehead, "I... I..." And now the zinger! > "Hey TD, look at that!" AW pointed from the drivers seat to > the No Faction Resort up ahead. Floating above the NFR was the spikey > looking space crystal that was the Darkmoonian's base. It appeared to > be pelting the sides of the NFR (rather ineffectively) with dog > biscuits. From the nearby forest, packs of wolves were running to > the spent ... ammo. > > "Dammit! Looks like they beat us to it." TD cursed, "Now we'll > have to fight both the Endymionsamians AND the Darkmoonians to claim > this base. Step on it AW, we don't have a minute to lose!" "Remember!" Evil Dionysus finished, the symbol disappearing from his forehead even as his armor vanished. Tuxedo Dionysus was now in his familliar yellow tuxedo as he fell exhausted to the floor. A black baseball cap (that read: GO VENUS!) appeared from thin air to fall to the ground next to him. "Whew... he's back!" Frank sighed, "Nothing could possibly go wrong now!" < Portrait of Corundite looking evilish behind an Innocent Looking Pook! -Scene Switch> Darkmoonian soldiers were splattered along the hallway as Sailor Polaris led the charge down the corridors towards the Dark Crystal's bridge. She chopped one in half even as a blast of depression ki flew past her to vaporize a warrior farther down the hall. "Security's a heck of a lot tighter than I remember!" she spat as Nic-chan jumped past her, hammering darkmoonians into the ground. Literally. Her arms were morphed into large iron mallots. "Doesn't matter." Brutus huffed as he ran along behind them, snuffing out any warriors that the other three didn't quite finish off. "It'll be a lot easier if we can take out their security systems!" "What's that up ahead?!" RockmanX shouted as they ran. Further up the hallway, a small group of darkmoonians were rolling out a massive high-tech cannon. "A Bullet Bill Cannon!" Polaris gasped, "They were still in the development stage when I left the darkmoonians!" Up ahead, a darkmoonian laughed cruelly as he jumped into the cannon's seat and began firing! From the cannon's barrel, a stream of large bullets with silly looking eyes and mouth emerged. Quick and maneuverable, they spread out as they flew towards the still running otaku warriors. RockmanX's depression ki flew ahead to destroy some of the bullets even as Polaris spun in circles to bat the bullets away. Brutus' sword flashed as it cut clean through several bullets. The otaku continued their charge dramatically. "AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH-" The darkmoonian in control laughed as Brutus missed one and went flying. His laugh was cut short as Nic-chan's mallot-hand crushed his skull. "Come on!" Nic-chan called to the others as she went to work on the rest of the darkmoonians as they ran for their lives. "The bridge is up ahead!" "We could have been the champions!!!!!" the last darkmoonian screamed at the top of his lungs just before Nic-chan finished him off, "Champions!!!!" < Speedie and Chibi-Youma posing for the camera. -Scene Switch> Elsewhere, Harold and his group were in a similar situation. Charging frantically down a different hallway leading to the engineering room, Sailor Universe was very thorough. Thorough enough to allow the rest to jog behind her as the darkmoonians fell to her glaive. "What's that up ahead?" Bob shouted as KABOOOOOM-ohki clung tightly to his shoulder. Up ahead, a group of darkmoonians were wheeling out a Bullet Bill Cannon. "Look out! It's going to fire!" Skuld shouted in alarm, and sure enough, dozens upon dozens of the evilly grinning bullets flew at them like a locust swarm. Sailor Universe gave them a Very Angry Look. The bullets screeched to a halt, rethought the path of Least Resistance, then turned around and eraticated the darkmoonian patrol stationed at the cannon. The Otaku Warriors continued down the hall, jumping over what use to be known as Darkmoonian Cannon Patrol #43. This Darkmoonian Patrol held the volleyball championship title on the Dark Crystal, so naturally Darkmoonian Cannon Patrol #27 would have recieved the new title of champions at this time. Unfortunately, DCP #27 was wiped out by Nic-chan a little while ago. < Dreadite strangling poor widdle Chibi-Thunder! ;_; -Scene Switch> Meanwhile, in a peaceful section of the starship, the commander of Darkmoonian Cannon Patrol #98 finished reading a letter. "WOOHOO!" "What is it commander?" The lieutenent of the DCP#98 pikued. "We're being invaded!!" he shouted back happily, "We're getting our asses kicked!" The lieutenent sweatdropped, "Uh.. isn't that a -bad- thing sir?" "No no! DCP#27 and #43 were wiped out!!" he shouted back then jumped up on top of the unit's massive Bullet Bill Cannon. "That means..." "YES!!! WE'RE THE NEW VOLLEYBALL CHAMPIONS!!!" he cried, all twelve men raised their hands and cheered at the news. Sadly, they didn't celebrate long. "SIR! We have a lone otaku walking up to our position!" "What is it? Identify!" "I... I don't know." From down the hall, a ghastly female voice cracked, "URR! Braaaiiins...!" < StarFlower and Yvette complaining they didn't show up in the OAV. -Scene Switch> "Commander!" the Lieutenent of the Now Obviously Doomed Darkmoonian Cannon Patrol #67 saluted his superior. "What is it? Can't you see I'm busy reading?!" the Commander muttered irritably, holding his 'Darkmoon Babes' Magazine. "Sorry sir!" he sweatdropped, "I just got word from the bridge. We've been named the new Volleyball champions of the Dark Crystal!" "We have?! YES! It's about time! Pass out the refreshments, we have some serious celebrating to do!!" *CRACK* The commander fell to the ground, dead from the vicious crack on the head. "Sorry all, but I can't very well have you firing that thing at me as I pass by." SuperSteve apologized as he took the head off of the next closest darkmoonian with the metallic bat he picked up in the games room. "It's not quite the same as the BAK..." SS sighed, adjusting his grip on his new temporary weapon. "SuperSteve!" Leloni called happily as she and Lina ran up the hall, "We've been looking around for a friendly face for hours!" < Sailor D'ni & Sailor Riven arguing once again! -Scene Switch > "WOOHOO!" The Late Ensign of Darkmoonian Cannon Patrol #583 exclaimed at the news of being named the new Volleyball Champions. Korb's rocket exploded from within his chest a second later. "Aw bugger." The Lieutenent Commander sweatdropped even as Kane's glaive cut through his torso. "Should have figgered we'd be next." "Yeah..." The Maintanence Technician muttered as he was trampled to death by Ferchan's keychained SD Figures, "There had to be reason for the last 192 changes in champion over the last hour." "Well, that was easy enough." Nyakun mused after the carnage was just about finished. "From the sounds of it, the others are already inside." Mr. K ducked under the last of the darkmoonians as he charged. *THUNK* The Darkmoonian landed head first in the Cannon's Barrel. "Well, that's that." he grinned, noticing his opponent was stuck. Korb idly pressed the button to fire the cannon. "Yep, let's find the next target." < Jarlad trying to carry Kiko-chan on his back... and falling down. -Scene Switch> "Commander! We've been named the new Volleyball champions!" Ensign Clueless of Darkmoonian Patrol #793 shouted excitedly. "What?!" The commander barked, "We don't even play the damn game!" An explosion of electrical energy fried the entire patrol where it stood. "Bah. This is starting to get repetitive." Kobanal muttered. "So where did you say tis hallway led to?" "Mmmph-mmph. Muff, muff-muu-oppphh." Kenny explained. "And you think this will work again?" Kobanal asked the kid riding on his broad shoulder. The little one-dimensional kid nodded. Kobanal came to an abrupt halt. Walking up to a door, Kobanal glanced at the sign that read: Storage Room B5. "Aaah, you were right, Kenny, here it is!" Kobanal chuckled uncharacteristically, "So this is where The Janitor screwed up the Dark Crystal's sensors with the Wal-Mart bomb." Kobanal tried to open the door, but found it locked. Though having a storage room door locked may seem perfectly reasonable, at least to a darkmoonian - to a Makochanian lupine, it was just annoying. Kobanal drew his sword and concentrated on it for a moment. The blade flickered, then flared bright blue. With a powerful slash, the thundersword easily sliced through the puny door, practically splintering it. Peering inside the small room, Kobanal found a com panel. "Let's see..." he muttered to himself as he turned on the view- screen, "Swimming pools, library. What the hell is Sapphy's Playhouse?" "MMPH! MMPH!" Kenny exclaimed. "What girls? Who'd make darkmoonians out of spices anyway?" The lupine continued searching, finding the system listings. "Bathrooms," he searched, "Giant chicken room? Llama pens? Does Prince Sapphire have a zoo in here too?" "WAIT! Here's what I've been looking for!" Kobanal shouted victoriously. The monitor indicated that all the ship's sensor grids were functioning normally. Kobanal could see readouts showing the locations of every Named Otaku in the Dark Crytal, good guys in green, bad guys in red. One of the red dots appeared to be heading in his direction! "Damn!" Kobanal swore, then quickly set to work. The lupine had just deactivated the automatic sensors, however apparently, there were about 3 Megs of files labelled Sapphire Fanfic's that were accidently deleted along with several book reports and a nearly completed novel.... "NOOO!" A voice bellowed from the doorway. "My BOOK!" Kobanal quickly got up and drew his sword as Dark Glen fell to his knees and began to weep like a darkmoonian general who had just lost a 400 page bestseller-destined novel about his semi-successful villain career. "You'll pay for this!!!!!!" DG screamed and fired a blast of nega-energy from the Demon Sword -so- powerful it even surprised him. Kobanal blocked the blast, however, the force of it sent the lupine crashing through the ceiling. Pain exploded throughout his body as he was forcefully pushed through room after room, until at last, the furry--- D-OH! I mean, LUPINE... (damn you Tokoz) burst through the top of the meteorite and landed on the ground, gasping for breath. Kenny was not so lucky. He became buried beneath the heavy fu-- Lupine.... DG jumped to the ground and walked slowly up to the groggy antropormorphic hu--- D-OH! Uh, Furry.. D-OH! DAMMIT! LUPINE DAMMIT! "I think I'll finish you off now, so you won't cause me any more trouble later on." DG grinned Evilly. DG then frowned. Looking at the corner, he noticed we were past 900 lines. "Ok, no problem," he stated and sat down on a rock, "It appears the authors are a little over on this chapter, I guess I can wait until the next one." < NecroMercury eating NeoAmi-chan's brains in a fancy restaurant. -Scene Switch > Back in the cavern below the Dark Crystal, Frank, NC-Janitor and Tuxedo Dionysus were about to ascend to the darkmoonian base to find Sapphi- "It seems my Nega-Brainwasher still needs a little work..." Prince Sapphire mused out loud as he slowly descended from the hole in the Dark Crystal to float in the cavern below. "Oh well, corpses can't be brainwashed anyhow." The three jumped to the side as Prince Sapphire's negablast crashed into the ground. "DARKMOON CROWN CAGE ENCI-" *beep beep beep beep* Prince Sapphire blinked as his beeper went off. Quickly checking it, he sighed. "Blast. We're out of time." "End of the chapter already?!" NC-Janitor pikued at the darkmoonian's nodding head. "Bugger." End Chapter VIII - Could we MAKE an ending any more lame? - What will happen to the Volleyball championships now!! - Is Rooks gone forever?! - Will we actually finish this up in chapter 9? - Will Sailor Polaris kick major ass at least ONCE? No matter what happens, pray that chapter 9 is INDEED this OAV's finale! == Chapter Eight Outtakes ================================================= "Remember!" Evil Dionysus finished, the symbol disappearing from his forehead even as his armor vanished. Tuxedo Dionysus was now in his familliar yellow tuxedo as he fell exhausted to the floor. A black baseball cap (that read: GO PE- "STOOOP! Wait Mord!!" "What?" Mord said irritably. "Look at that typo you're about to make!" "Oh, shit," Mord sweatdropped. "Let go of the keyboard you Hentai bastard!" "But, but, but..." Mord but-butted. "No butts, Mord!" Kobanal said, annoyed, "Give that keyboard here. Geez, man, what's with you and Minako anyway? I'll tell you this! If you were following Jumpinher, you wouldn't have this problem!" Mord snickered at the typo. --- The inverted crescent moon began to fade from Evil Dionysus' forehead, "I... I... need this thing back on guys, I can't remember what I was supposed to remember..." NC-Janitor facefaulted. --- "Use your sword!" Rooks shouted, in a similar situation. "I can't reach it!" his brother replied, then stood up. "Is this entire chapter hentai?" Tenchi asked. "Tenchi, you were fired chapters ago, do you want me to call security?" Kobanal growled. "Ok... I'll go...." Tenchi sniffed. --- Kobanal paced back and forth along the set of the Dark Crystal, looking a little angry. "Why am I being given all of these hate-filled characters? I mean, I'm not like this in real life, so why am I playing these stupid parts. Oh, great, now I'm type-cast as a heavy...." the lupine began to cry, "Now *blubber* *sniffle*, now Spielberg will -never- call me!" --- A high-pitched voice came back, "OH NO! It's overloading!!" "Over-what?" the stupid NO said before the door he was standing next to didn't blow up like it was supposed to. "Aw, come on!" Luke the Cheap Extra complained, "This is the only time in this whole OAV that I get to show my tough, commanding side! You're ruining this whole movie DION!" "It wasn't -my- fault!" Dion retorted vehemently, then kicked Luke down a garbage chute. --- "It seems my Nega-Brainwasher still needs a little work..." Prince Sapphire mused outloud as he slowly descended from the hole in the Dark Crystal to float in the cavern below. "Oh well, corpses can't be brainwaaaAAAAHHH!" The cord holding the darkmoonian up snapped, sending him crashing to the floor face first. "Medic..." -- Tuxedo Dionysus & Kobanal Thiwarden Kobanal: Are you sure you want this to happen? Dionysus: Of course! I know exactly what I'm doing! Kobanal (whispering): Tu es stupide... Dionysus: Stop talking French you little turd-wart. Kobanal: Mon cousin, q'uel buffon... (sorry for the spelling... I am -not- French after all... :P)