This post includes: Minpire: Harold, Tuxedo Dionysus, NC-Janitor, Artemesian Warrior, Korb, Skuld, Rooks, Raven, Brutus, Lina, Sailor Universe. (11) Darkmoonian: Prince Sapphire, Marvin, ChaosSapphire, Seedling, Dark Glen, Pitch, Esmerodian Warrior, And a NEW(?) Darkmoonian! (8) Makochanian: Kobanal, Leloni Bunny, Ferchan. (3) Endymionsamaian: Kane, T-cat. (2) OSDF: Nyakun, RockmanX, Nic-chan, Mr. K, Sailor Polaris, SuperSteve. (6) Unaligned: Bob, KABOOOOOM-ohki. (2) Previously on Otaku Wars! OAV, Discontinuous Continuity: * The Paper-Rock-Scissors gag continued unabated. (But it's really finished now, I promise. ^_^) * Sailor Dragon racked up a body count of 6! All attributed to NC-Janitor and Sally. * Nic-chan recovered due to a respawning error on the ThunderWuv. * The Ragnarok and ThunderWuv outsmart the Dark Crystal, getting it stuck between the Meteorite and Otaku World! * The meteorite hit Otaku World. No damage. * A new high in Facefault-related injuries were recorded after reading the previous jot note in this Previously. * ChaosSapphire denies being a Thesbian, and has documented evidence to prove it! * After a quick battle and some name-calling, the Allied Otaku get the... drop... on CS. * TD turned to goo. Thus Continues... Chapter VII: "Discontinuous Continuity" Featuring: The Death of Rooks! A looong time ago, Frank had this to share: > "So why did you send Tenchi to help the Janitor? What about me? Huh? > You're just using me like so much toilet paper!" sneered the AW. "Even > though you are really cute," he murmured to himself. "I really like > your bow...what am I saying?! I follow Rei alone!" > > Venus batted her eyelids. "Look, we can do this the in-depth character > building way, and everyone will get bored, or we can do it quick and > dirty. How do you prefer it?" > > Still admiring Venus, the AW heard quick, dirty and said that's the way > he would like it, thank you very much! And so it was. > *poof* > > "Hey!" said the AW. "Now I worship both Rei and Venus! What a strange > feeling!" "You ok AW?" Rooks asked his Covert Spy Companion. "Eh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine." The AW replied, "It's just that being this close to the Dark Crystal again brought back some old memories." "Yeah, well, finish getting your disguise on..." Raven muttered, "I can't believe you guys talked me into doing this." "Yeah yeah, I almost got it." AW nodded, "We have to hurry and locate TD before the other teams are in place." In the adjacent cavern, rats and other insignificant lifeforms that shouldn't be inside a recently crashed meteorite from space scurried away. After 10 minutes of disguise-implimenting, all fell quiet until... "Deep in Darkmoonian Territory," Rooks jumped from behind a large stalagmite dramatically, his clothing dyed to resemble the markings of another bird-type, an eyepatch over his ruby eye and his head shaved bald, "the fearless Rooks Corvus begins his covert plans of Super Secret Spy Stuff. Working under cover as the Ruthless VULTURE ATRATUS, he seeks to infiltrate the enemy posing as a harmless Darkmoonian Newbie along with his comrades in Nefariousness..." "I ain't doing it." Raven muttered, still behind the stalagmite. "Aw come on bro..." Ro..er, Vulture complained, "We can't go undercover if you won't go undercover too... They'd ask too many questions about how two newbies captured a veteran warrior..." "..." Raven muttered silently, then stepped out into the cavern. He was tarred and black-feathered. "I am Crow. My Darkmoonian Might will kick your ass." He droned. "Looks like we'll have to work on it." Vulture grinned weakly, "At least you don't look -that- bad compared to AW's costume." "HEY!" AW shouted from behind the rock, "My costume kicks ass, and they'll NEVER guess who I really am!" Jumping out into the cavern, the green-haired AW gave a flick of his greenish cape and adjusted the cuffs of his greenish Dark Kingdomish uniform. "Fear me!" He dramatically began as he pulled out his deck of death, "For I am the ARTEMESIAN WARRIOR!!" "AW... that's your real name." Crow sweatdropped. "Ehehehe... I mean, I -AM- the ESMERODIAN WARRIOR!!!" He corrected himself undeterred. "I always wanted to impersonate the creep back for the spice caravan thing he pulled." "Just remember the plan EW." Vulture reminded him, "You're showing us around the base since we're newbies you picked up off the street." "Yeah yeah. This should be a snap since there's no WAY the Esmerodian Warrior could have survived a meteorite landing on him like TD!" EW agreed happily. "Let's just hurry up." Crow sweatdropped, "The less time we spend gabbing, the faster we can find TD." < Secret Agent Corvus. Rooks Corvus. -Scene Switch > Inside the Dark Crystal, ChaosSapphire was resting in a regeneration chamber. "Almost..." Prince Sapphire assured his minion, "Just give it a couple more minutes and you'll be fit for a second strike." "Damn otaku." ChaosSapphire muttered, "When I get out of here, they are going to be SO dead." The door swished open to admit Dark Glen. "They better be." He threatened, "My patience is wearing thin." *CRASH* A hole in the wall crashed open to admit the battered form of the Esmerodian Warrior... with teeth knocked in, eyes gouged out, looking like a walking corpse of indeterminate race! "ESMERODIAN WARRIOR!! WHAT HAPPENED?!" The dark prince cried dramatically, bending down to help the poor doppleganger sit up. "Suff...suffocated for 6 hours... tos..tossed in..to.. space!" he stuttered, "Broke... eve...every bone.... g...got... ni...nifty power up... met...meteorite landed... on me." "Oh is that all." Sapphire muttered, dropping EW's head to the ground. "Well don't just lie there like you're on your death bed. Crawl into a regeneration chamber for a little bit." "..." The Late Esmerodian Warrior ...ed. "Ok fine, I'll help." he muttered, tossing the corpse into the closest regeneration chamber. "If your doppleganger fails again, I say we kill it." Dark Glen muttered, "All he ever does is take up space in the regeneration pods and boost enemy morale." "Oh sure, whenever he fails he's MY doppleganger." Prince Sapphire said pointedly, "At least he managed to trap that Minakochanian long enough to be captured." "Whatever, if he fails again tho..." Dark Glen sighed, "Anyway, I have to go outside to lay the smack down on some intruders. Seems the meteorite's tunnel network is infested with them now. Tell EW if he fails again..." "Sure, go ahead. I think the others left a while ago." < Mae Young guest stars on Baywatch -Scene Switch> "Are you sure you know where you're going?" Kobanal asked quietly. Kobanal was beginning to have doubts that the leader of this party had -any- idea what he was doing. RockmanX had been leading the group for the last couple of hours through vast caverns, and long winding tunnels. KABOOOOOM-ohki was a little nervous of the dark surroundings, and clung forcefully to Bob's face, reducing his vision. "Mmmm-mmppp.... mm-mmmmph..." Kenny said nervously. "What the hell was that?" Leloni asked, unsure where the noise had originated. "Oh, that's just my 'club', Kenny," Kobanal said matter-of-factly, "He has some unusual taste in senshi, but he's a great lookout." "MMM-NNN-MMM!" Kenny shouted typical Minpirian praise. "You mean you didn't kill him?" the lavender bunny exclaimed, "Uh, isn't that kid supposed to die, like, a lot?" "What-" "Be quiet back there!" Nic-chan hissed, "do you want to give away our position?" "Sorry..." Kobanal and Leloni said at once. 'Jeez, what bug ran up her butt?' Kobanal thought darkly. The group walked on for a few more minutes. Then, as if it were part of some pre-written plotline, a faint light was seen in the distance. RMX gave a signal for the others to stop. The Allied Otaku gathered around for a pow-wow. "Ok," RMX began, "there's a light up ahead. It might be Sapphire's hideout. I don't want anyone to go in there and spoil everything, so I'll go check it out myself." "Hey! Just what is that supposed to mean?" Leloni demanded angrily. The insulted bunny would not recieve an explanation however, as RMX stealthily dashed down the tunnel towards the light. As the others watched him go, they saw a second figure start chasing him. "Kobanal, wait!" Nic-chan whispered loudly, "Oh, dammit!" The remaining Otaku chased the impatient lupine down the tunnel. When they finally reached the end of the tunnel, they saw RMX lying down face first on the floor, an enraged Kobanal standing over him. "Chris!!" Nic-chan exclaimed in horror, "What has that dog done... to..." RMX was picking his facefaulting self out of the dirt. The other Otaku, after looking out through the tunnel and into the light, understood the doggie-things' annoyance. RockmanX had led them back outside. Kobanal looked back at the others. "Well?" he asked, "Who wants to go first?" Lina's hand rose. "Are you telling me," she began quietly, a slow boil enveloping her and increasing every second, "we walked through that meteorite for the last two hours, getting covered in dust, and getting blisters on our feet, just to have you lead us BACK WHERE WE STARTED!!?" RMX sweatdropped as Lina got in his face. Kobanal turned to join her. RMX backpedaled a few steps, then lost his balance and fell through the opening to hit the ground with an emphatic -Oomph!-. Bob sighed dejectedly, "Well, I guess we'd better go down there and get him, we need to find TD before something terrible happens to him." "Don't worry guys." RockmanX said as he picked his face off the ground, "There's only a few darkmoonians in the meteorite besides us invaders. I'm sure the other groups will be fine. I mean, SuperSteve's team had 7 people in it! They can't lose, unless all 7 fall victim to 7 separate misfortunes. One misfortune? That's a possibility. Three misfortunes? There's an outside chance. But SEVEN? HA! I'd like to see THAT!" "I have a bad feeling about this." Kobanal sweatdropped. < Duh-duh-DUUUUUH!! -Scene Switch> Elsewhere in the Meteorite's network, another of the main groups of invading otaku were about to bite off more than they can chew. "Hey, don't hog all the sausage!" Kane complained, snatching the food from NC-Janitor's face. "You're probably the reason why it's so hard to keep cookies in the NFR as well!" "That's absurd!" The Non Continuous Janitor balked as five oatmeal cookies, four chocolate covered donuts, three cinnamon rolls, two strawberry milkshakes, and an extra large cheese cake decorated to say 'Happy Birthday Kane Magus!' fell from his sleeves. Nyakun simply raised his right eyebrow. "Let's just get on with what we're suppose to do." Mr. K crammed a large slice of the cake into his mouth. "NOW, if you don't mind." Nyakun sweatdropped. Korb crammed a large slice of cake into his mouth. "NOW!" "Awww..." Ferchan sobbed, "No cheese cake?" "Don't worry." NC-Janitor whispered, "I have the other three birthday cakes Daisy was baking before the NFR ran out of food." "Which way do you think the Dark Crystal is in anyway?" Korb said after swallowing. "I dunno... we could take that insanely boring path to the right." Nyakun mused, "Or we can check out the Suspiciously Evil Looking Cavern on the left." All in agreement, the group headed down the left path. *KA KA KA BOOOOM* And found themselves sealed in soon after entering. "Great Endymion!" Kane shouted, "What an evil plan... trapping us in!" "This is starting to look suspicious..." Mr. K added, looking around nervously. "AS it should." A familliar voice cackled, emphasising the first word since the author was too lazy to go back and uncapitalize the s, even multiple edits and revisions later. "ChaosSapphire!" The warriors shouted in unison. "Don't forget me dearies." "And the Pudding Bitch." Kane sweatdropped. "Yoohoo." Seedling waved. "And the Fungus." Korb sweatdropped. "Naturally I wouldn't be noticed." Marvin sighed. Nobody commented. "I TOLD you I'd be back." ChaosSapphire growled, "And now that we're inside where you can't drop a starship on me, it's PAYBACK TIME!" He waved his hand, signalling his minions to attack. The allied otaku faced off against the Darkmoonian assault team. In the background, 'Ai no Senshi' began to play for no reason in particular. < Leloni drinking a beer. -Scene Switch> "This is getting frustrating!" Skuld complained as she and the others walked along a seemingly unending tunnel. "Eh." Brutus replied, "Not quite as bad as being left twiddling my thumbs for 4-5 chapters." At the rear, Harold was looking a little nervous. He spotted a small crack in the floor a few feet in front of him. The others had stepped over it without anything happening, which relaxed him a little. "Hey, does anybody know any good trail songs?" Brutus piped up cheerfully. As Harold stepped over the crack, a trap door opened up, swallowing the hapless Minakochanian. "I REGRET NOTHIIIIIIINGG!!" Harold howled in sorrow. "Great choice!" Sailor Universe brightened up. The remaining warriors began a cheerful rendition of 'I Regret Nothing', by Lord Nameless and the Unknown Trio. 'I've lost my house, and my dog hates me 'Just can't seem to get these warts off me 'But still I can't worry even tho I can't sing 'I may be an ass, but I regret no-thing.' Note: Primary author strangles Secondary before he can start the second verse. This has been a public service announcement from this station, the NC Party, and viewers like you. All of a sudden, the singing stopped as the strangled corpse of the Secondary Author was pushed from the chair. Control of the keyboard thus returned to the Primary Author and everyone was now bored of the song. "Ok, so Lord Nameless can kiss my ass." Sailor Universe muttered. "Any other song ideas?" As they walked cautiously along, Brutus following up the rear as the Heroicly Missing Harold did, "I dunno offhand, maybe..." He turned around to ask Harold his opinion only to find his Companion in Ditziness missing, "OH MY GODDESS!!!" he shouted. At that moment, a trapdoor opened beneath him for a second, and closed behind him. "Yah!" Skuld agreed, "Something about my sisters and me!" "Ugh." SuperSteve commented as they all trod on without looking back, "I'm tired of listening to those songs. Think of something else." NC-Janitor chimed up behind them, "I got it! How about -=Blugalug alugalug=-?" "Hey!" SS exclaimed, "HOW THE HELL'D YOU GET HERE?!" NC-J threw down the glass of water he was gargling with. He then broke into a slow lounge tune. 'How many tiiiiimes, have you drowned? Ten, right?' NC-J pointed at himself. 'How many tiiiimes, have you made this 'nnoyin' souuund?' "Oh," the NC thing said with a smile, "I dunno..." 'You know you'll never get too far 'Cuz yer dyin' and you need CPR 'And after that's happened, there's only one thing to say, 'Ooowhoaoooo, you go -=Blblblblblbbbuh=- NC-J was dunking his head into an occasional barrel that passed by, just to help him with the lbblbllblblb parts. 'You go -=Blblblblblbbbuh=- 'YOU GOOOO -=Blblblblblbllbbluh!!=- 'You go... -=Bluuuuublblb...lbl...blblblblbllb......lbl.....=- The still form of the Late NC-Janitor forgot to inhale before the last line and was left faaaar behind, since he was, after all, a very crappy singer. ... After a few more minutes of walking, they came to a cliff-face. "Looks like if we want to continue, we'll have to climb." Sailor Polaris mused, "Anyone have rope?" "Of course!" The Ex-President SuperSteve exclaimed, producing exactly that, "We presidential types have to be ready for anything. Debates, Elections, Extremely High Cliff-faces, assassination attempts, breakfast. You name it, we're ready." "Ok, we need a grapple then." "Fresh out." SuperSteve sweatdropped. *facefaults* "Um.. you can use my glaive." Sailor Universe offered, "Or my cat." "RAAAAOOOWWWW!" T-cat screamed as they threw him up the cliff-face as far as they could. Luckily, that was far enough and he landed at the top, rope tied around his waist. Working quickly, he tied the rope to a nearby stalagmite on the ground and signaled for everyone to start climbing up with a mighty mew. "Yep. Nothing a president can't solve." SuperSteve nodded as he led the climb up the rope. "Yeah yeah." Sailor Polaris sweatdropped as she followed close behind. "Hey Brutus, you're being rather qui.." Skuld began as she brought up the rear *duh-duh-DUH* only to notice nobody following her. A flash of light caught her attention as something flew out of the meteorite's opposite wall in this vertical shaft. She was still gasping in alarm when the shard of crystal sliced the rope just above her hands, sending her sprawling to the floor. Before she could shout out in alarm, she hit her head against a rock and passed out to fall silently through the plot hole that appeared at the base of the cliff-face for a few seconds. Meanwhile, at the top of the vertical shaft, they were picking up the rope when Sailor Polaris noticed something amiss... "Hey, where's the other minakochanians?" A net suddenly shot up from the floor around Sailor Universe and T-cat. "What the?!" She shouted and Dymion hissed his agreement. The net was attached to a rope connected through a trapdoor in the ceiling and hauled the captured otaku away. It slammed shut immediately after. SuperSteve and Sailor Polaris stood there dumbfounded for a few moments longer. "We're being picked off one by one!" SuperSteve shouted, "RUN FOR IT!!" And so the Valiantly Doomed OSDFers ran as fast as they could down the tunnel. Swinging axes, flying darts, alligator filled pools, and chained, rabid math teachers all tried to stop the two as they ran but to no avail. "Look! A door!" SP shouted as she pointed to the end of the tunnel. "It's closing!" "Go for broke!" SS shouted as they ran the last few meters, then stopped short. There was a gap of 3 meters between the end of the tunnel and the opened hatch of the Dark Crystal. Looking at one another for a split second, then turning back to see the charging math teachers that had broken from their chains (two of which were eaten alive by the alligators. -Ed.) they gulped then jumped as far as they could! On the Dark Crystal, the action-packed scene ended with the two OSDFers standing up and looking around. "We're in the Lower Cargo Bay." Sailor Polaris noted. "Very good, my Babe of Betrayal." a voice commented casually. "Dark Glen!" the two shouted in alarm, and sure enough, the Darkmoonian Second In Command stepped out from behind some crates. "Don't worry." SuperSteve tried to reassure Sailor Polaris, "There's two of us and only one of him!" *tap tap tap* SuperSteve turned to the tapping noise to see his ally encased in an odd dome of glass. "Ah!" "One on one." Dark Glen snickered and pressed a button on his remote, causing a trap door to open beneath the trapped Fuku-clad warrior. A second later, the door closed and the dome disappeared. "And since I'm the only one with any powers here, I guess we know who's going to win!" Duh Duh DUUUUUH! < Seven! Seven separate misfortunes! AH AH AH! -Scene Switch> "Did you hear something?" Nic-chan asked RMX as she helped him to his feet in the pale moon light. "Nah, probably just some random explosion somewhere, happens all the time." Bob said calmly. "I can't believe this!" Kobanal said angrily, "We've been hiking around that damn place for hours, and -=pppphhhtt=-, NOTHING!" RMX looked flustered, "Calm down, Kobanal. There was no way of knowing which way we should've been going." "So what do we do now?" Nic-chan asked nobody in particular. Without warning, a large, ugly Chevvy flew through the air, crashing to the ground some hundred feet away. A large, strangely familiar character came from behind the meteorite. "Ach! Damn hunk o' junk!" The large creature said with a Scottish accent, "Me grandmutha could drag her boney arse farther than yoo cood!" "Who the hell?" Lina said quietly. The new otaku was huge. He appeared to be a Minotaur, with dark grey fur and long reddish sideburns. His eyes glowed red. The minotaur wore a large nose-ring and a kilt, and had what appeared to be a jet pack strapped to his broad back. A cannon-like weapon was attached to his left forearm. "Hey, it's.... Who the hell are you?!" Bob said with mixed feeling. The Demonic-Minotaur looked in their direction. He raised his arm with the cannon and pointed it at the group. "Uh-oh...." "Ah'm Cud," the beast-man growled, then fired his cannon. A barrage of chocolate chip cookies assaulted the party of otaku with their sugary goodness. "Take cover!!" RMX shouted as they were pelted with the cookies. "Damn ingrrrates!" Cud roared, "get back up 'n take it like men!" "Hey!" Nic-chan and Lina said in unison. Lina stood up, and quickly dodged another wave of cookies. "What would a walking McDonald's know about being a man!?" she yelled back. "Alot more'n you lassie!" Cud said, flexing his right arm. *SHOOOOOM!* A bolt of lightning from Kobanal's sword struck the minotaur square in the chest, knocking him to the ground. "Now! While he's stunned!" Kobanal yelled to the others. The Allies charged the stunned cow-man. "Oooo, better git outta here.." Cud said worriedly, then opened an Ethereal portal on the ground beneath him. The monster's head poked out of the hole one last time so that Cud could say, "Ya wee shrubs hav'na seen da last o' me! Ah'll be bac-" Before he could finish, the remaining otaku jumped him, all falling into the portal. Crickets were the only remaining sound in the area. The portal closed behind them, leading them Cud knows where. < Cud... *snickers* -Scene Switch > Dark Glen was rubbing the back of his head, looking a little worse for wear when he met up with the Esmerodian Warrior and his two new friends, Vulture and Crow. "Yo EW." he commented, "How'd you do against the invading otaku? They kick your ass too?" Something seemed veeeery familliar to the Fake Esmerodian Warrior about this conversation. He tried thinking back... The AW remembered the following from years ago: > "Hey Doppleganger, did you do better than me?" asked Glen. > > "Uhh, no, that AW has sure got some fighting skills. He kicked the > tar outta me, yessiree!" lied the AW "No sir! Those otaku sure got some fighting skills." EW lied quickly, thinking he was still here so that answer must have worked in the past. "They kicked the tar out of me, yessiree! Oh, I also hooked up with some Darkmoonian Newbies wandering around inside the meteorite." "Hmmms." Dark Glen mused, "You're darkmoonian newbies eh?" "Yes sir!" Vulture immediately replied, "Both of us!" "You wouldn't be spies would you?" DG glared menacingly at the two. "Perhaps here to undermine the Darkmoon from within?!" "Of course not!" Vulture lied through his sweatdrop. "Well... let's go inside the bridge then..." DG replied and led the trio in. "Hey Sapphy! Your stupid Esmerodian Warrior failed. Can we kill it?" EW gasped as the rest of that familiar flashback suddenly came to him. > "Well let's go inside. BTW-did you hear about that chump Sprewell?" > In walked the two enemies. Inside the Bridge/Playhouse, lights and > computers were everywhere. Sitting in the middle of it all napping was > Sapphire. "Sapphire! Wake up! Your stupid doppleganger failed. Should > we kill it?" "No Dark Glen." Sapphire replied, much to EW's sigh of relief. The prince was too absorbed with the new video game he just recieved in the mail. "Just toss him in the torture chambers for a few hours." "WHAT?!" Esmerodian Warrior yelped. "You two." Dark Glen commanded Vulture and Crow. "Escort the Esmerodian Warrior to the Torture Chambers and lock him in!" "Righto!" Vulture grinned weakly as he and Crow grabbed EW's arms and dragged him outside. The door swisshed shut after they left. "That was close, let's hurry up and find TD. He has to be somewhere nearby." "Well, let's try that room over there first." AW offered and pushed the button that would open the closed door. *swish* went the Highly Abused Trap Door Plot Device beneath their feet sending them falling down a shaft. "You know *ow* I'm starting to remember a few painful things *ouch!* about this place." The EW cried as they fell. When the fall stopped abruptly, the three warriors opened their eyes to find themselves in a large room. "Woo, look at dem parallel lines." Crow commented, pointing to the drawing of an eleven on the wall. "Indeed." Vulture commented, "Almost makes a connotative representation towards past and current events." "Where the heck do you see that?!" EW pikued, standing next to a big ass llama. "It's just an eleven..." "What the heck is that standing next to you EW?" Vulture sweatdropped. Smiling broadly, EW replied, "One of my finest warriors! I found him lodged in the shaft as we fell. I figgered we could use him to help overrun the Dark Crystal!" At that moment, as if an author planned such a thing, the real Esmerodian Warrior walked through the door. "YOU!" "Uhoh." The fake EW gulped. Wasting no time, the Esmerodian Warrior charged his fake and clobbered him into the wall. Vulture and Crow tried tackling the fuming Darkmoonian from behind but EW would have NONE of that crap right now and flung them away. The AW, spitting out a tooth as he laid against the wall, thought this seemed rather familiar. He thusly recalled: > He grabbed the AW and flung him threw the air like a rag doll-no, like a > plushie AW! The AW crashed into the wall, only to see a barrage of hearts > coming at him. 7 of hearts, ace of hearts, 2 of hearts. "I can't believe > he has my deck of death power!", fumed the AW, as the cards flew left and > right around him. Suddenly the Queen of Hearts sliced across his arm. > "AAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!" screamed the Warrior. He passed out in pain. His recollection ended there, as EW grabbed the battered form of the Disguised AW and flung him through the air like a plushie! He crashed into the wall only to see a barrage of clubs and spades coming straight for him, all aces. The Ace of Spades, the Ace of Clubs, another Ace of Spades and the Rulecard for drawing Stud Poker! "I can't believe he still has my deck of death power!" AW snickered as the cards flew right and left, "I would have thought he'd have found something useful to replace it with by nooo--AAAAAAIIIAIIIIIIEEEE!!" he screamed as a Queen of Clubs sliced across his arm. "And now the finisher!" EW growled as he charged the helpless AW, fist ready to deliver the final blow to the head. Then everything seemed to slow down drastically as yet another vision assaulted the AW's conciousness... Only, this one seemed new. "Hello Artemesian Warrior. I'm your patron Senshi, Sailor Mercury!" the short-blue haired sailor senshi introduced herself. "Uh, I'm kinda busy here..." AW sweatdropped, "Couldn't you have picked a better time?" "Gomen." Ami chuckled weakly, "I had cram school. Better late than never, however, which is why I'm here to give you a new incarnation." "You're giving me flowers?" AW pikued, "How's that suppose to help me out?! I'm no freakin' Endymion!" Ami facefaulted. "How you could be one of my followers, I'll never know..." "I also follow Minako!" AW grinned proudly. "..." Ami ...ed. "That explains it." "So why didn't you skip cram school to help me out BEFORE I started getting my ass kicked?" AW pointed at the EW who appeared to be frozen in time. "What about me? Huh?! You're just using me like so much toilet paper!" he sneered. "Even though you ARE really cute," He murmured to himself, "I really like your fuku...what am I saying!!" Sailor Mercury chuckled kawaiily. "Look, we can do this the in-depth character building way, *Ami nods excitedly* extending the size of the oav by at least 3 more chapters, and everyone will get bored..." She sighed dejectedly at the alternative, "ooor we can do it quick and dirty. How do you prefer it?" Still admiring Mercury, the AW heard quick, dirty and said that's the way he'd like it, thank you very much! And so it was! *poof* Esmerodian Warrior's fist connected with AW's forehead, but instead of the expected bone-crunching of AW's skull, there was the unexpected bone-crunching of EW's hand. In a blast of light and crystal-shattering BGM, The Esmerodian Warrior Disguise was replaced with... Frank! "WHAHAHAHAHA!" Frank laughed nefariously like a True Minpirian, "Bid Daddy Franky's turn at bat!" EW backed off a few steps in disbelief, holding his fractured hand. "This isn't possible! THIS ISN'T POSSIBLE!! LIME CRUSH!!!" The wall of softdrink rose from the ground and rushed at Frank, but in the interests of shorting the fight scene so we can all see what happened with that bull, Frank dove through the wall and beat the EW to a bloody pulp with his bare hands within seconds. "Frank!" Vulture called, "Way to go!!" "Not bad." A familiar voice snickered from the shadows. "Dionysus?" Frank pikued. "Correction." the voice replied as the brown haired otaku warrior stepped out into the light, wearing Black Endymion-Style armour. His eyes flashed red, "Evil Dionysus." "Not again..." Frank sweatdropped. < Eeeeeeevil. -Scene Switch> "Uh, excuse me, Prince Sapphire," a trembling NO said, walking up to talk to the Darkmoonian. "What is it? Can't you see I'm busy?" Sapphire said, annoyed that this rodent would interrupt his game of Sprite Fighters 2000. He was playing on the giant viewscreen so everyone could see what it was like. "Well, sir, there appear to be Ethereal activations all over the ship, sir." "Oooh! NO! Don't grab that! AAH! Where'd that damn Makochanian learn that move?!" Sapphire said without listening. "I've got you now, Saphhy!" DG proclaimed, and proceeded to kick his commander's ass in 5 seconds. "Hey!" Sapphire whined irritably, "No fair picking hidden Otaku! Especially HER!" The now very lonely NO did something no NO should ever do. "Uh, sir, if you could just put that controller down for a second, I need to tell you-" "DAMMIT!" Sapphire cursed, "Well, fine! If you get to use hidden characters, then I get to use KAMI MODE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" The NO sweatdropped. "Uh, sir..." it squeaked obseqiously. Sapphire's face slackened. He whirled on the little NO, a look of intense rage on his face. "YOU.....MADE.....ME.....LOOOOOOOOSE!!!!!" The sound reverberated all over the bridge. The ground shook violently, and the pathetic NO died of a heart attack. Saphhire felt someone taping his shoulder. "Uh, Sapphy..." DG said evilly, "Second round, let's go." The video battle began fiercely. The music blaring in the background was an actual recorded symphony, and the graphics were those only dreamed of in the wildest of imaginings. DG hit Sapphire for a deadly 35-hit juggle combo. The incredible effects were so great that 3 NO's instantly went into epileptic shock and keeled over on the spot. "NOOOOO! Not again!!!" Sapphire roared, unleashing his secret power to stop DG's onslaught that was somehow still killing him, despite his KAMI MODE. DG's character bounced across the screen, lifelike -oof!'s- and Ugh's coming from the monitor. Sapphire screamed and smashed DG's character with a devastating move, which dizzied his foe. "Ok, Killer Sapphire, now in control, moving to finish his enemy!" Sapphire's eyes burned red, he was drooling, "HEEEEEERE COMES MY RIGHT!" The excited darkmoonian yanked on the controller so hard that he pulled the adapter out of its socket. The game turned off. "OH NO!" Sapphire screamed in a high pitched voice. "My game..." he moaned, "My game..... I could've beat the guy! Dammit! I was sooo close!" A humming noise began to thrum from inside the screen. Sapphire and DG looked up from the pool of tears forming at Sapphire's feet to see what looked like an ethereal portal forming on the screen. "What the hell?" DG whispered. Without warning, several otaku flew from the portal. Their flight path took them straight into Sapphire, burying the poor Darkmoonian underneath half a ton of flesh and one smelly minotaur. "Git offa me!" The minotaur growled and shoved the pile of good guys off of him. "Hey, where are we?" Lina questioned. "Oh, just great." Kobanal moaned when he saw where they were. "Darkmoon...." Sapphire croaked, "crow...n...cage....encircle.." The allies now suddenly found themselves trapped within Sapphire's dome of dark energy. "Damn!" Kobanal spat, trying to crack the indestructible dome with his thundersword. "MMMPH!" And Kenny. Neither were effective. "The Dungeon is still on the bottom levels right?" The minotaur asked. "Yes..." The dark prince raised his right eyebrow suspiciously, no doubt inviting law suits from Nyakun's author later. "How did you know about that?" Extending his hand, the minotaur growled as he forced an ethereal portal to open beneath the domed warriors, causing them to fall through. "I use ta be yer Darkmoonian General years ago." The minotaur replied, "Ya summoned me ta hunt doon Tenchi. Course, ya ended up writin' me outta da story 'fore I could get da job doon. Been huntin' him evar since but it's hard to do when nobody remembers ya exist." Prince Sapphire thought back.... (With some editing :) > "Now for the Ethereal Demon." Sapphire says. > "This better be good Sapphire, I'm busy." says the Demon who > appears in a burst of smoke. The misty creature looks at Dark Glen and > Sapphire. > "Well it is, I need you to battle a guy named Tenchi." Sapphire > says. > "Hey, don't these guys listen to you." whispers Dark Glen. > "Most do but this guy is strong and doesn't listen very much." > Sapphire whispers back. > "Well I've seen this Tench making Ethereal Portals and it annoys > me so I'll help." says the demon. "Aaaah, NOW I remember you." Prince Sapphire replied, "But... "You weren't a minotaur the last time I saw you..." "Tha's the kicker." He answered, "After searching for Tenchi for the last THREE YEARS I suddenly read about his demise from a nosebleed in the Otaku Times. I worked out my disappointment by slaughtering the nameless otaku in the nearest deli and decided to meet up with the rest of ya. I heard Dark Glen and the odders were at a local Wal-Mart so I figgered, what the heck. I could'na find them however due to all the commotion and then a nuclear device went off in the store while I was in the Cattle and BagPipes Department." "..." Prince Sapphire commented, noting that this explained the new appearance and kilt. "Well, since I sure as heck can't remember what your name was, what is it?" "I picked up a new name for meself, since the other demons would just laugh at me if I went home." The minotaur sighed, "It's Cud... Cud Haggis." Dark Glen and the prince facefaulted. End Chapter VII. - Oh, no! The good guys are REALLY in a fix now! -=cough=- How will they escape?! - Who's gonna stop Evil Dionysus? Do we want to know the answer? (YES! :P) - Have the Allied Otaku finally and utterly failed? - Why are we bringing back so many OLD memories, some more painful than others? - Does this question make sense? - Do WE know what a rhetorical question is?!? Well, if nothing goes wrong, we should have answers for you by the next, hopefully semi-entertaining chapter of OW! OAV: Discontinuous Continuity. We'll get to the end, believe us! Even tho we said it was only going to be 5 chapters long. But it'll be no more than 8, trust us, 9 at the most, but definately no longer than 10. 11 is a long shot, but 12 is the absolute farthest we will go. ^_^;; I mean, if we -have- to go to 13, we'll just up to 14. 13 is unlucky. 15 will just be author's notes at the most. == Chapter Seven Outtakes ============================================ "Git offa me!" The minatour growled and shoved the pile of good guys off of him. "Uh, Mord..." Robin (the secondary author) sweatdropped, "What's with you and this 'Tour of Mina'? This is the FIFTH time you've made the same typo." "MMmm... mmiiinnaa." Mord hargled then died from a massive nosebleed. --- "You're giving me flowers?" AW pikued, "How's that suppose to help me out?! I'm no ing Endymion!" "AW!" everyone shouted. "AH! Sorry!" AW apologized quickly, "I can't help it, I always swear when I'm ing nervous! AHH! I did it aga-DOH!" --- "RAAAAOOOWWWW!" T-cat screamed as they threw him up the cliff-face as far as they could. Unfortunately, he fell short a few feet and slammed face-first into the wall. After sliding painfully down for a few seconds with his face still imbedded, SU gave the rope tied to his waist a yank. "For crying out loud, we don't have time for you to slide down on yer own Dymion." she called as T-cat RAAAAOOOWWWWed his way back down to his 'allies', tears in his eyes. --- "I can't believe he still has my deck of death power!" AW snickered as the cards flew right and left, "I would have thought he'd have found something useful to replace it with by nooo--AAAAAAIIIAIIIIIIEEEE!!" he screamed as a Queen of Clubs sliced across his arm. "And now the finisher!" EW growled as he charged the helpless AW, fist ready to deliver the final blow to the head. *CRACK* AW crumpled to the ground. "Eh... where's Ami?" Rooks pikued. "Sorry I'm late!" the senshi shouted as she ran into the studio, "Got detention in Cram School for pointing out the teacher's mistakes to the class." --- And now what you've ALL been skipping down to this section for! "I Regret Nothing" by Lord Nameless and the Unknown Trio Verse 1 I've lost my house, and my dog hates me Just can't seem to get these warts off me But still I can't worry even tho I can't sing I may be an ass, but I regret no-thing.' Chorus This is the chorus, and that's not to say that this parts' important in any way But I'd like to say one thing right now I'm gonna copy this part anyhow. Verse 2 My teeth are the color of an orca's fin I'm still addicted to my Aspirin. My girl said looks were what I lacked, but I regret nothing and that's a fact Chorus again. Verse 3 Got kicked out on my ass that day Cuz I told muh gurl that her dog was gay A van struck me to end my strife And I'd regret nothing for the rest of my life! Chorus yet again. Repeat IIIIIIIIII REGREEEEEEEEET NOOOOOOOTHIIIIIIIINGG!!!!! IIIIIIIIII REGREEEEEEEEET NOOOOOOOTHIIIIIIIINGG!!!!! *BANG!* Lord Nameless' corpse falls to the ground. Mord nodded sagely, holding his rifle. "That's enough of THAT!" he snickered with a sadistic laugh. -- Tuxedo Dionysus & Kobanal Thiwarden Kobanal: Well... that was rude... Dionysus: Shut up. You handed me the bullets. Kobanal: I said fire a warning shot -across- his nose, not up it! Dionysus: Sue me.